The Sacrifice of A Tree

As Kemetics, Erin and I don’t really have a holiday around this time of the year.  There’s the modern holiday of The Establishment of the Celestial Cow (aka Moomas), which is on December 25th and commemorates the day that Ra road into the sky on the back of Hathor to save humanity from Sekhmet, whom He sent to Earth to destroy humanity when they decided to rise against Him.  The holiday itself was relatively unimportant, but then again so is Christmas from a theological stand point (not a commericalistic standpoint) since Christmas is just the birth of Jesus and not his sacrifice, death, and resurrection, which is celebrated at Easter.  Then, there’s the night before Moomas, which is All Jackal’s Eve, a modern-mythology holiday where Wepwawet and Yinepu deliver gifts to children who have been living within ma’at for the past year.

The Ancient’s religion was based around the rise and fall of the Nile.  Without the great floods, the people would starve, so everything revolved around that.  Today, the Nile is controlled by dams, and the flooding of the Nile really has no baring on whether or not I eat.  What does have a baring on my ability to eat here in the southeastern United States is the seasons and the amount of sunlight and rain this country gets.  As such, I try to observe what Wiccan and “wiccanate” pagans call the “quarter holidays” or the changing of the seasons.

Depending on your faith background, Yule can take on a lot of different meanings.  For me, it’s a celebration for the returning of the Sun to provide us with food for the coming year.  It’s a day where we can celebrate the disappearing darkness and renew our hope for our future.  Erin and I have our traditional “Yule Tree,” which, for us, stands more as a testament or sacrifice to the Gods.  We decorate it, and care for it, as a symbol of devotion.  It’s like the old cathedrals that were built as a way to glorify the Christian God, but in smaller-tree form.  Before the Church took over the tree and turned it into a “Christmas Tree,” ancient pagans would decorate the tree as a “Tree of Life” where the lights (often times, candles) would symbolize the moon, sun, and stars.  In no way can anyone tell me that a tree has anything to do with the birth of Jesus.  Sorry.

This year, Erin and I are splitting holidays for the firs time: we spent Thanksgiving with my family, and we will go to Michigan to spend Christmas with her family.  We celebrate Christmas with her family because her family is very much Christian (minus her sister), and it’s respectful to celebrate the holiday of those in whose home you are dwelling.  You wouldn’t walk into a Mosque and start praising Jesus (or maybe you would, but I’d call you an asshole), so I don’t plan on going into her mother’s home, where they are Christian, and celebrate my Pagan holiday.  Instead, Erin and I will celebrate our holiday early with the two of us, and then drive to Michigan to celebrate with her family for the week, before coming home and celebrating with my family after the fact.

Even though we’ll be gone for a week around “the major holiday season,” we still wanted to get our tree.  And this year we started up our new family tradition of cutting down our own tree.  We traveled an hour to a tree farm simply to cut down a tree and come back.  Seems simple, right?  Well, the entire experience turned into something a definitely, definitely did not expect it to.

When we got there, I told the man in charge that this was our first time visiting.  He asked me what we were looking for, and I responded with, “A seven-foot-tall fat one.”  He pointed us in the direction of the back of his fields and said, “If you go out there, I have some white pines that have gotten away from me.”

We started walking out through the fields, up and down the aisles.  Erin carried the saw, and I carried my gloves.  Each tree we passed, I would think some sort of critical remark about it: too short, too tall, to skinny, not filled out enough, the branches are all funky.

There were several types of trees out there, including some pre-cute Frazier firs, which apparently don’t grow well in our dry, hot, humid areas.  He directed us towards the white pines, but the thin branches made me think that they wouldn’t hold ornaments well, and the needles would fall all over everything.  The other types of trees out there all hurt me when I touched their branches (they’d prick me or something).

We passed tree after tree after tree, and I was starting to feel overwhelmed, and then, as we were looking at a tree that was much, much too big, Erin said, “You know, this whole field to of trees… each one of them is screaming, ‘don’t pick me! don’t pick me!”

At that point, I started to actually feel bad about what we were doing.  We were about to take the life of a living creature who, even though Erin was probably joking, didn’t want to die today.  Or, at the very least, didn’t want to have its life shortened dramatically.

At that point, we passed a stump of a freshly cut tree, and bubbling up from the stump was sap, and it looked like the tree was oozing clear blood.  When I mentioned it, Erin said, “Don’t say that because then I’ll really feel bad.”

It was then that I took a deep breath and sent out a private message to all the trees in the field: Hello, my name is Kel, and my fiance and I are looking for a tree to stand as tribute and as a sacrifice and as a testimony to the Greatness of the Gods.  We will only take the tree that is willing to go with us, and we respect and appreciate the sacrifice of your life on our behalf, and we promise that in your death and sacrifice, you will be glorified and stand shining before the Gods.

And then I looked out around the field, and saw… a bunch of very silent trees.  I’m not sure what I was expecting: a tree to jump out at me and say, “Over here! I’ll go with you!”  We walked to the other side of the field, found nothing, and then walked back.

At one point, we found a tree.  It was the right height, the right size, the right everything… except that it didn’t want to go with us.

I said, “Maybe, but let’s keep looking.”  And we left the tree.  I think it might have been happy about that.

Eventually, we walked all the way to the edge of the field and started to circle back around.  That’s when I felt it: the twinge I get when I should look somewhere I’m not looking, so I stop and start looking around wildly.  I see a tree, in the distance, and it looks perfect and it wants me to come towards it.  I walk straight up to it, but when I’m right next to it I realize that I’ve miscalculated, and this is not the tree.

I turn around, and there… about twenty feet away… is an eight-foot fat white pine tree with a slightly funky top to it.  And it’s calling to me.  I know that tree is calling to me.  I can feel it.  I walk up to it, touch it, walk around it, look it up and down, and I know: this is the tree.  It’s scared and a little nervous, but it wants to come with us.  It’s not really sure what the future holds, but it trusts us and our promise.  He made me sad, too.  The thought of cutting such a young pine, who was willing to sacrifice himself for our benefit and for the benefit of the Gods, made me sad.  I wanted to tell him no, and when Erin suggested the tree next to him, I considered it.  We even walked off and looked at others, I touched all of the trees I came near, and none of them lit me up like the young white pine behind me.

I kept turning back and looking at him, and Erin finally said, “That’s the tree, isn’t it?  You keep looking back.”

I bit my lip.  Yes, this was the tree.  But it’s so sad… we’re taking his life, and it’s so sad… but he wants to come with us, he trusts us and our promise, but it’s still… so. very. very. sad.

I went back and forth, but eventually, I said, “Yes, this is the tree.”  Erin got down to cut him, I put my hand on him, silently told him thank you, reminded him of the promise, and told him to stay brave.  And then Erin started sawing until he fell into my hands that were there to catch him.  We carefully carried him back up, paid, had him shaken, wrapped and mounted before we brought him home.  Erin immediately put him in water until we could get him in a stand and started to decorate.  We haven’t finished the decoration process, but I know this is the perfect tree, and the tree knew it was perfect too.

I doubt that Erin knows the extent to which I put into this tree, but I know she senses the perfection of the fit.  Once we got him up and opened in the window at the house, she mentioned how perfect he looked, even without any lights or decorations, and once we got the lights on him, she couldn’t stop exclaiming how beautiful he was.

And then tonight, just now before she went up to bed, she said, “He’s so beautiful, and I can’t wait to decorate him more tomorrow.”  The fact that she even knows to call him “He,” which is what I felt I should say when I saw him at the farm, tells me that the tree was speaking to her too.  He’s such a beautiful tree, and I’ll definitely post more of the pictures tomorrow once we have him fully decorated.

 

Sin, Isfet, and Living in Ma’at

Side Note: The Kemetic Round Table (KRT) is about ma’at and isfet, and I’ve thought about getting involved, but I don’t really know how that works out…  There’s a lot of discussion going around right now about the two concepts, and then I heard a minster on the radio talking about sexual impurity and sin and how to prevent it… and these things got me to thinking… so here we go:

I think I’m one of those “annoying” Pagans that loosely combines the ideas of physics in to my metaphysical beliefs to justify them when I probably shouldn’t.  And it is usually Newton’s Laws, and it’s usually the third one:  For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

In physics, the most basic meaning is that if I push against the wall, the wall pushes back against me.

In metaphysical meanings, I’ve often heard of it as the “What you put out gets brought back to you” principle.  If you put positive energy out into the world, then positive energy will come back to you.  It’s not the same as the three-fold law, which I don’t believe in, which states that whatever you put out comes back to you three times stronger.  Newton’s Third Law says “equal,” and I’ve heard this analogy of a stone into a calm pond and how the ripples get bigger as they go out and if they hit something and bounce back to you, it’s always a larger ripple… except that those ripples don’t have the same strength, so to speak.  They may get bigger, but their “power” is definitely lacking…

Anyway, rant over.

Isfet is the power behind uncreation.  It’s opposing force is ma’at, or the power behind creation.  To really understand what this truly means, you need to understand where everything started, according to the myths.  There’s a lot of different creation myths that the Ancients knew of, but they all have pretty much the same line of thought:  There was this primordial water by the name of Nun.  The self-created God(s) rose up out of this primordial water and all of the rest of creation came in some way shape or form afterwards.  Personally, my favorite story is the self-created deity (be it Aten, Amun, Ra, or some combination of the three) rises up out of the Nun and speaks all of creation.

I read somewhere, and now I can’t remember where I read it, that Apep, and by association, isfet, was created by accident during the creation of… well… everything.  Apep is the being that personifies isfet. Apep seeks to undo all of creation, and we’re not just talking about plunging the world into chaos.  Plunging a world into chaos implies that there are memories of a time before chaos, and Apep would be destroying those memories as well.  Think of uncreation as a permanent obliviate memory charm from Harry Potter.  The scene where Hermione makes her parents forget she was ever born… her image fades from all the pictures… except Apep would destroy you too.  You become uncreated.  You would disappear from all existence, and everything you do or did or anyone you ever met… any memory of you from your parents, other family, friends, random people you meet on the street… all of them would forget you.  All of your belongings and accomplishments would either no longer exist or belong and exist to someone else.

I use to equate isfet as the Kemetic version of sin, but I don’t think that’s a good analogy.  Sin is any act against divine law.  Some Christians will tell you that everything we do, pretty much, is a sin.  Some obvious sins are infidelity, murder, cursing, homosexuality, sex outside of marriage, worshiping a non-Christian God, not going to church, and being born.  Sin started out as a way to stay healthy, procreate, and be clean, but now it’s turned into control.  Preachers all over the United States and the World, especially here in the southeast use sin as a way to control people, specifically minorities, whether they are women, GLBT, people of color, other religions.  Sin is used to teach hate and discrimination behind a mask of godliness and faith.

As a Kemetic, one of the main principles I try to live by is to uphold ma’at, shun isfet, worship my Gods, and worship against Apep.  The problem becomes, though, that a lot of people, myself included, struggle to really get a grasp on what it means to do all those things.

Ma’at is creation.  It’s opposite is not chaos, it is isfet.  Chaos is often necessary to allow creation to continue.  Destruction, in some forms, can be healthy.  Farmers will sometimes burn entire areas to better grow the next season of crops.  Floods in Egypt were known to bring fertile soil and food for the entire year.  Chaos isn’t always a bad thing.  So if isfet isn’t chaos, then how can we better understand it in a practical sense?

Fellow blogger, Kiya, over at Peaceful Awakenings, wrote a blog about “shopping cart theology.”  It’s all about the ideal situation where everyone who uses a shopping cart returns the cart to where it needs to go.  It keeps the system happy and functioning for everyone.  Everyone gets a cart when they need it and everyone does their part to make sure the system continues.  But, Kiya also mentions that it’s not always the way it works out.  Sometimes, we are struggling in life and can’t get the cart back.  Sometimes people take more than one cart back to make up for others who don’t take their cart back.  Even though it’s not ideal, the end result is that the system continues to work because everyone interacts with it in some way.

Aubs Tea over at Mystical Bewilderment wrote a blog last year called “Kemetism is Orthopraxic: Live in Ma’at.”  The writer says, “Some people think that living in ma’at means that we should put the shopping carts away. This isn’t so bad of a concept either. It means everything is orderly. It means that everyone does their part to make everything work out in that orderly concept. The problem is that not everyone puts their carts away, do they?”

This got me thinking: I know ma’at is sometimes defined as order, balance, truth, and justice.  I think this was/is a way to fit a non-western concept into a western language.  I mean, how can we uphold a concept such as creation, which encompasses things that maybe we don’t particularly like about creation, like destruction and chaos?  How do we shun somethings like uncreation when that concept doesn’t really make a lot of sense to begin with?

Maybe the shopping cart theory isn’t about the order of the system.  Maybe it’s about being mindful of the system and interacting with it as we should.  They system works, whether we put the carts back or not, the system will keep on working.  If no one puts a cart back, eventually someone will need a cart and they will grab one and take it with them.  Hopefully, some one will realize what a pain everything’s become and put all the carts back… Sometimes we can put our cart back and maybe someone else’s cart, but sometimes we can’t for whatever reason.  We’re interacting with the system whether we realize it or not.

I think the key to upholding ma’at is to be mindful of the system.  I’ve read that it’s all about the 42 Negative Confessions, but let’s be real… without a really solid modern translation, the 42 Negative Confessions are about as relevant to today’s society as Leviticus is.  Or at least parts of them are.  If we are mindful of the system, we uphold creation in that the system is what keeps creation going.  The system sometimes includes chaos and destruction (in that people don’t always put their carts away), but that’s okay because it’s part of the system.

We shun isfet by being mindful and being in the moment, being aware of our situation and the “system” we are currently in.  When we fail to be mindful, we allow Apep to potentially disrupt and complete destroy the system, that is, creation.  On a practical, daily level, we can uphold ma’at by simply being mindful of our situations and living in the moment.

In a more spiritual and ritualistic level, we can uphold ma’at, worship our Gods, and worship against Apep by praying, leaving offerings, and destroying the snake.  All those things we think of when we think of being Kemetic and doing our faith and spiritual practice.  The Gods need us to help them protect creation.  Through prayer and meditation, we can spiritually connect to them to grow our relationship to the Gods.  As that relationship grows, the Gods can begin to work through us and better use us to help protect this wonderful creation all around us.

Reality Check

This is the third time I’ve attempted to work on my week 1 of R-posts for the Pagan Blog Project.  At this point, it’s week 2, and I do t feel bad for skipping two weeks in a row. Things have gotten really busy and really stressful, and every time I go to start a blog, I get interrupted and then I lose the “mojo” for writing that particular blog.  So I start a new one.

I feel like all I’ve been doing lately is complain.  There’s so much stress right now that it’s been hard to stay positive and keep my eye on the prize.

My brain functions very matter-of-factly.  I see something, and my mind rationalizes it, usually into some form of numbers or percentages.  Anything that my mind can’t reduce into functional data gets attributed to the Gods.  It’s how I keep myself functioning in a world that might seem hopeless at times to others.  I think it’s also the reason why so many people come to me with problems: I listen, I rationalize, and I respond.  It’s only when things become too much that I become the emotional wreck that I’ve been the last couple of weeks.

I think everyone has a cup, and into this cup goes all the things that a person worries about.  Usually, it fills with bills, work, cost of groceries and putting gas into your car.  When you are in school, there’s passing classes, homework, tuition costs.  When you seriously start dating someone/get engaged/get married, there’s all the things that go along with that to worry about as well.  But when you throw a baby into the mix, there’s a whole new set of worries to fill and overflow your cup…  When you end up facing unexpected infertility, you can add some more… or when you make the choice to expand through adoption, you add some more as well.

The other day, I started to write a blog about understanding what your reality is.  The idea that we see our world differently than anyone else on this planet based on our life experiences, and how our world is a reflection of our actions.  The energy and thoughts we put out come back to us.  If we think negatively, our world becomes negative.  If we think postively, our world becomes positive.  As with the other blogs I started for R, that one never made it out of the draft pile.  But it struck me because when Erin and I went to church on Sunday, the minister talked about controlling our thoughts and actions to control the world around us.

Unfortunately, the only thing I was able to focus on that day was all the numbers running through my head: 750, 45, 167, 168, 40, 172, 150, 100, 600… Over and over again, every bill that Erin and I owe ran through my mind.  Money.  All I could think about was money and how the Home Owner’s Association wasn’t really for the homeowners… and how I really hoped my real estate agent got back to me soon.

After the service, Erin and I were talking about church, and how we were getting more involved and wanting to become members.  We talked about the message, and I confessed, “I didn’t really hear much of it.  I’m having a lot of problems focusing lately.”  We had our god daughter with us, and I ended up walking out and going to see her in the nursery.  I sat with her and talked to the woman who was there.  We talked about babies and cloth diapers and just a lot of random things.  I bounced my god daughter on my lap, watched the kids, and it was nice.

She allowed me to take my mind off all the stresses that I’m facing with this adoption.

Later that evening though… That’s when it all came to a head.  I broke down into an absolutely horrible ugly cry.  Erin held me, played with my hair, rubbed my arms and back, got me tissues, gave me kisses, and told me, over and over, that it was all going to be okay.

“You have to have faith, baby.  The Gods aren’t going to let us down.  They’ll get us through everything, just like they’ve gotten us through everything up until this point.”  How… How is her faith so strong when mine isn’t?

And then it hit me: that’s the point, isn’t it? When I’m weak, she’s there to be strong for me, and when she’s weak, I’m there to be strong for her. It’s our complement. And we work well together.

After my ugly-cry-fest, I felt a lot better. I think I’ve been holding on to so much of the emotions going on around here with everything that when I finally released it all, it felt good. I felt better. I felt more at peace. That understanding that the Gods will provide came back.

And then I went to church with Erin today for the first time on a Wednesday. It started with a silent meditation, then a guided meditation, and then a discussion on making peace with yourself. Next week is making peace with your situation. And then after that is making peace with others. Holy. Shit. Really?

I half-laughed at the topic, and then Erin kept nudging me throughout the discussion when something super obvious to our life was said… Like you have to be okay with your situation. Anxiety and worry are a state if mind… Etc, etc, etc.

Okay, Gods, I get it. You want me to stop focusing so much on the what ifs and start focusing on Your awesome power and the blessings you give me each and every day. I get it. I do.

And I’m back.

The Quality of a Prayer

I fully believe in prayer.  I have believed in prayer since I have believed in the Gods.

At Unity and at Jubilee, there is a poster that hangs on the wall that says, “If the only prayer you say in your entire life is ‘Thank You’ that would suffice. – Meister Eckhart”

The truth of the matter is this, though: there is a good prayer and then there is a not-so-good prayer.  It’s not about how you say, or what candles you light, or what ritual you do, or how you sit/stand/kneel, or how you clasp/raise your hands.  It doesn’t matter if your prayer is silent mediation, silent spoken words, or spoken aloud.  It doesn’t matter if your prayer is said alone or with others.  None of that matters.

What matters is your heart and where your heart is at when you pray.

The outcome of prayer is an interesting thing and changes based on who you talk to.  Some people believe that the Gods will hear our prayers and respond by doing whatever we say in them.  Some people will say that the Gods will hear our prayers, but They will only respond if it is in Their will to do so.  Some say that nothing happens in prayer and that it’s pointless.

Personally, I believe the Gods hear our prayers and will respond if it is in Their will.  Here’s the thing though: even if it’s not in Their will, prayer can have a profound effect on a person’s mental state.  Meditation and prayer have been known to help focus and calm a person, which improves health.  If nothing else, prayer can do this.  Sometimes, what we need to do is let go of any problems in our lives.

There are times, a lot of them now with this adoption, that are literally just waiting around for the next step to happen.  When this happens, I have to remind myself that this is out of my control and that there is no reason to stress.  And then I pray.

It took me awhile to figure out exactly how to pray, but now I find myself praying, mostly informally, on a daily basis.

If you aren’t sure what to pray for, check out this list.  If you aren’t sure how to pray, then start with this: “Dear (higher power), [insert prayer]. Thank you.”  Everything else is up to you.

Things I pray for on a regular basis:

1. Emotions I feel I lack that I need (strength, courage, compassion, empathy, etc) for a certain situation.
   1. Example: “Please give me strength to get through the last days of school.”
2. My family.  If they’re going through a rough time or need something, I’ll pray for them.  Or if something exciting is happening, I’ll pray for good things to continue.
3. My friends, for the same reasons above.
4. People who hate/dislike me AND/OR people I don’t get along with.
   1. This one is a tricky one.  I pray for these people to have good things happen to them because it helps me to forgive them or forgive myself for whatever has happened to get us in this situation.  I’ll pray for happiness for them, or continued success, or some other positive attribute for them.  And I do NOT back handedly insult them in the process.
   2. Good Example: “I pray that my ex continue to receive happiness and joy in her life.”
   3. Bad Example: “I pray that my ex who hurt me and lied to me see the error in her ways and start to be more honest.”

Things I do NOT pray for:

1. Physical objects: money, a new car, more “stuff”
2. Harm on others in any way
3. Negative emotions, thoughts, or feelings.
   1. When I pray, I keep it completely positive.  I do not insult or talk badly about anyone I pray for in anyway.  There is no reliving the bad things that have happened in my past and there is no blame placed on anyone for those bad things that have happened.

What we pray for can and will manifest itself in our lives.  If we pray positively, we will have a positive outcome, even if it is only emotional.  If we pray negatively, we will have a negative outcome, even if it is only emotional.  Our negative emotional prayers will manifest negative emotional thoughts and feelings through out our day, just as positive one will manifest positively.

The devout have a lot of power in prayer whether they realize it or not.  For example, yesterday was a rough day for me.  I am living on a mixture of stress, anxiety, and fatigue surrounding the start of a new school year among other things.  I let all my worries out to Erin, who responded with some worry, but mostly reassurance.  She held me while I cried and told me everything would work out like it always does for us.

She finished by saying she wanted to spend some time in prayer at her personal altar.  We took care of the animals and got ready for bed.  I laid in bed, stressing about everything.  I felt the anxiety pressing on my chest while I tried to suppress the panic attack that I new was waiting to happen.  I get overwhelmed, but I don’t take it out on people, especially not my girlfriend.

Erin settled in to her meditation.  I watched her for a second, but my heart started hurting, so I rolled over and away.  My thoughts didn’t change, but suddenly I felt so calm that it took me by surprise.  I thought, “What the hell just happened?”  I wasn’t complaining, obviously, but I was really confused.  I looked back over at Erin, who was deep in her meditation/prayer, and thought, “It must be her.  She’s prayed for me or prayed for something that’s affected me and the Gods have immediately responded.”

She looked so peaceful, amazing, beautiful and strong that I had to sneak a few photos.  I air dropped this one to her just now and asked her if I could post it, and she agreed.  It was an extremely private and personal moment for her, and I didn’t want to post without her consent.

I knew the Gods were one our side.  I knew They were with us always, but I didn’t realize just how true that was until last night while Erin was praying/meditating.  I didn’t realize just how much the Gods listened to her and to us, and how close by they were until she sat down to pray and got immediate responses.

I have no clue what she prayed for, and I wouldn’t dare ask because it’s personal for her and none of my business, but whatever it was… I fully believe it worked.

Pagan Practice

With the arrival of a baby in February, Erin and I have been talking a lot about Pagan Practice and what our spiritual and religious life will look like with a new addition.  We definitely agree that we want to raise our baby as a Pagan.  We know that this doesn’t mean that they’ll grow up and be a Pagan.  There’s no reason to think that when I was raised as a Christian, and then I left.  Granted, I left for valid reasons, but I’m sure that there are valid reasons for people to leave the Pagan faith as well.  The best I can do is to raise my child as a good person with a deep understanding of our faith and the faith of others.

The first part of defining a clear Pagan practice is to determine exactly what it is that you believe:

1) We believe that there is one ultimate, all-knowing, all-loving, self-created deity: Netjer
2) Bad things happen because there is bad in the world, known as isfet.
3) We try to maintain a life of love and balance by living in ma’at.
4) All Gods and Goddesses on this planet are manifestations or faces of the One, which means all paths to the One should be honored.
5) When we die, we either pass on to the land of paradise (Aaru) or we will simply stop existing.
6) Those that have gone before us, our ancestors, the Akhu, are an important part of our history and past.  They understand our struggles on a human level and can intervene on our behalf if we ask them and honor them as we should.
7) We are literally created of the Earth, and when we die, we will return to it; therefore, we should take care of and honor our planet.

I’m sure there are other tenets, but these are the big things.  The next part of defining a clear Pagan practice is to clearly define what we DON’T believe:

1) Hell or other place of eternal punishment: Since the One (Netjer) is all powerful and all loving, there is no reason to damn His creations to a place of torture and punishment for a crime or life that lasted “two seconds” in “God time.”
2) A Savior: Humanity hasn’t fallen from grace/love/Netjer’s eye; therefore, there is no need for someone to save us.
3) Jesus/Son of God: There is no human “Son of God.”  We are all touched by the divine, since we are divinely inspired, as all creation is.  Jesus, the man, was touched by Netjer as we ALL are.  He is a good example of living in the balance and principles of ma’at and therefore a good guide or teacher, but nothing more.
4) The Bible/Torah/Qu’ran/etc: All of these texts are divinely inspired as all creations are; however, none is the “correct one.”  We can learn from all these texts, but we shouldn’t focus on one over the other because we’ll lose out on divine knowledge and inspiration from the other texts

And I’m sure, again, that there are other tenets, but these are the big ones.

Now that we’ve literally spelled out what we do and don’t believe, we can start to look into different practices that we want to add into our spiritual and religious lives.  We can start by deciding on holidays that we wish to celebrate and how those major celebrations will look.  This might sound a little like I’m creating my own religion or faith, but I challenge those assumptions with this:

1) The Ancient Egyptians’ faith focused on the flooding of the Nile.  Their seasons, their celebrations, etc, were focused on the rise and fall.  If the Nile didn’t flood, the people didn’t eat.  Today, that same river is controlled by dams, and the rise and fall has little to nothing to do with whether or not my family and I eat.  What does have an affect on whether or not I eat are the seasons that we celebrate here in this country, in this part of the world.
2) If the Gods are all powerful, and we say that they cannot or will not respect a devout worshiping them in a way that captures the essence of the ancient ways, but modified for modern time, then we are saying the Gods are limited.  This is not true.

Holidays:

1) The Days Upon the Year and Wep Ronpet:  July 31 – August 5.  The five days before Wep Ronpet, which is the Kemetic New Year, are called the Days Upon The Year.  They’re the “five extra days” of 360-day year.  According to myth, Ra learned that his grand-children, Geb and Nut would have children who would overthrow him.  He cursed Nut to never bear children on any day of the year.  Nut begged the help of Djehuty, who went to see Khonsu, the God of the moon.  Djehuty bet Khonsu so of his light in a gambling game, and since Djehuty is the wisest of the Gods, He won repeatedly until there was enough light to create five extra days.  He added them to the end of the year, and Nut was able to give birth to Wesir, Heru-wer, Set, Aset, and Nebt-het, each on a different day.

Currently, we’ve spend Wep Ronpet kayaking, but that will be changing next year.  Last year, we did offerings and prayer, but it overtook us this year and we didn’t.

2) The Equinoxes/Solstices: These mark the changing of the seasons as we see them here in the states.  These directly affect food production for us, and therefore mark a spiritual calendar that is relevant to us in the same way that the Ancient Egyptians spiritual calendar was relevant to them.  There isn’t any Kemetic mythology that I’m aware of that surround these four specific days, and I don’t feel the need to work Wiccan or Celtic or other tradition’s mythology into my own.

Currently, we spent Winter Solstice with a decorated tree, a big meal and present openings.  I want to add prayer into, but I haven’t found any or written any that fit our beliefs yet.  Since this day occurs prior to Christmas, and we will be spending Christmas with our families, we will end up celebrating two winter holidays, which I’m sure the kid(s) won’t mind at all.  We’ll also make it clear what Christmas is, what it means, and why some people celebrate it while others don’t.  We acknowledged the Spring Equinox, but we didn’t do much.  We spend Easter with my family, and I’m sure we will be doing that often, so again, the same applies to it as with Christmas…. and we didn’t even acknowledge the summer solstice or fall equinox this year.  I guess we’ll need to figure out what those mean to us.

I’m not sure if there are others that are out there that we want to incorporate, but this is a work in progress.  I’d like to do a Day of the Dead type holiday to honor the Akhu, but I need to look more into it.  I’m sure there’s stuff out there that will help us solidify plans, we just really have not had the time to get into this that heavy.

Next, after you’ve decided on a list of holidays, it really take fleshing out what you want to do on those holidays and what those holidays mean to you spiritually.  Do you want to fast or eat a big meal? Do you want to do offerings and prayer? Do you want to have a story read that explains the importance of this holiday? Do you want to decorate or dress up?  What will your offerings and prayer look like if you chose to do them?  Do you have a special place for offerings to go or a specific deity to whom the offerings go to?

After that, it’s important to look into what the daily practice of your spiritual worship looks like.  Do you pray every morning or night?  Do you read a part of a spiritual text and then meditate on it?  It’s all important to consider.

Erin and I have a family altar set up in what I like to refer to as the sitting area across from the kitchen, even though there’s no where to sit anymore since the couches were removed when our roommate moved out.  We haven’t since the summer started, but we would light an incense and candle at the altar and have a moment of silence together in prayer.  It helped to bring our focus onto each other and the Gods every morning.  We also have private altars where we can pray or meditate if we’d like to, and we have smaller idols for the baby’s altar in his or her room once we get the nursery more set up in the coming weeks/months.

There’s still a lot we need to flesh out and solidify, but I think that designing a pagan practice is something that grows as we grow.  It is constantly changing to fit our changing world and families.

Here are just some final thoughts if you’re working at designing a stronger or larger pagan practice:

1) Know WHY you are doing what you are doing.  If you are praying, why are you praying?  Why those words?  What is it significant.  If you can’t explain why, then it probably means that what you are doing either won’t last or could change rapidly.  What we do must have meaning to us, otherwise, it has meaning to no one.
2) Don’t get caught up in “right vs. wrong.”  Look at all the different “right” religions out there: each one is very different from the others.  Christianity itself has so many different faces these days that it’s hard to keep up with them all.
3) Don’t get discouraged or overwhelmed.  Start small and work little things into your every day life before you try to tackle everything at once.  Maybe just add something to a holiday celebration one year and then next year, add to another holiday.  Improvement is key, not perfection.

But above everything else, remember this: the focus is on the Gods.  If something you’re doing doesn’t feel right or seems wrong, it could be the Gods working through you and talking to you, saying, “Stop! Not like this.”  Be mindful, and keep your focus on Them.  Everything else will fall into place when and as it should.

Pagan Parenting

As adoptive parents, we have to go through a long and extended process to welcome this child into our home.  When I went with the birth mother to the ultrasound, we were expecting to see a little blob of cells at 9 weeks.  What we saw was a 12 week fetus.  I didn’t have time to get super excited because I went from having three weeks to figure this process out to “Get it done NOW” in the span of about thirty minutes.

The adoption process is not easy, and it’s definitely not cheap.  It’s not something you just wake up one morning and say, “Hey, let’s go out and get ourselves a baby.  It’ll be fun.”  Not belittling anyone in their path to motherhood, but adoption is definitely more expensive that finding a known donor and tracking.  Now, if you go to a reproductive endocrinologist and get into IUI and IVF, adoption is right up there with you, but you’re simply trying at home, it is not that expensive and it’s definitely not something you have to think as long and hard about as adoption because of financial reasons.

When you are trying to conceive on your own, there is stress.  There is stress because you might not get pregnant, or you might miscarry, or you may have to do this process over and over again for months, maybe years on end.  Once you get pregnant, there are stresses about the nursery, the parenting situations, child care, etc.  But you know what you don’t have to stress about?  Bringing a baby home or having your home, your relationship, your lifestyle, your faith judged for “proper child raising ability” by the state.  Sure, people will talk, but unless you give the state any reason to think that you’re unfit parents, your child will come home with you and you’ll never have any problems whatsoever.

Erin and I are staring a home study down the throat in November.  We’ve already filled out the consent forms to have our arrest records checked, our backgrounds double checked, and the sex registry list triple checked.  After that, we each have to fill out a SIX page questionnaire about our families, our finances, our hobbies, and our faith.  Then we have to gather a bunch of pictures of the house and a lot of other paperwork before November rolls around when someone who is certified by the state comes through and makes sure that our house is in proper working order and safe for a baby.  We have to baby proof our house, I think, before all is said and done, and not that we wouldn’t do this anyway, but we might have waited until, you know, our baby could crawl and had the dexterity to open bottles.

After that, we wait and wait and stress the entire time because until the birth mother and father signs the paperwork that relinquishes their rights, that baby is still not ours.  We could go through all of this and still not come home with a baby.  It happens all the time.  I don’t think that that will happen in our case, but you can never be sure until it’s all over.  This creates a lot of excitement and a lot of stress at the same time.

Erin and I have been mulling over all the interview questions, and we’re not as nervous about the fact that we’re a same-sex couple as we are about the fact that we’re devoutly pagan.  I take comfort in knowing we can’t be discriminated against for religious reasons, but I know there could always be “something else.”  We’ve been talking a lot about what to do with our altars.  Should we leave them out or put them away for a day?  According to Kemetic Orthodox belief, they shouldn’t be out anyway, but it feels wrong.

I think what we’ve decided is that we’re going to put our faith in the Gods to see us through this situation.  They’ve gotten us this far on their faith and they won’t let us down right at halftime.  I think we’re planning on leaving the altars out and answering any and all questions genuinely and truthfully.  There is no reason to begin a family based on lies and misdirection.  If we have to resort to lies and deception to  win over the state, then we don’t deserve to win over the state.

We are choosing to raise our child as a Kemetic, and we have to be honest about that.  I wrote awhile back about the importance of pagan children, and my views have not changed.  Except that now it’s not a day dream, it’s reality.  Unless Erin gets a job in a more liberal part of the country after she graduates, we might be here awhile.  Our child will grow up in a place surrounded by Christianity, and not just any type of Christianity, but Christianity where they’re right and everyone else is wrong.  We’re talking the condemn-you-tell-hell-first-save-you-second type of Christianity.  The type that is against homosexuality, abortion, homeless people and immigrant children, but all for women submission, corporate money, and the soul-saving resurrection of Jesus Christ.  That type of Christianity.  It’s the type that I don’t particularly care for.

I believe in the Gods’ love for all Their creations.  I believe that along the way, we were given humans who led us to a greater understanding of what it means to act in a way that is pleasing to Them.  I believe that Jesus is probably one of those people, along with the Buddha, Muhammad, and Imhotep, among others.  There is going to come a time when our child is going to come across one of those Christians that will tell him that he’s wrong or that she’s going to hell for not believing in Jesus as the son of God, and we have to be ready for those days.

If we can’t stand up for our faith now, how will we be able to do it then?  How will we be able to teach our child how to in the days to come?  The simple answer is that we won’t, and that’s not an answer I’m okay with.

On Faith…

I’m not entirely sure where to begin this post.  I can’t fully divulge every tiny detail, but I promise all will be revealed in the next two weeks.

This past year, a situation happened with a coworker, and while she was telling me the whole story, I silently thought, “I wish the Gods would give me an opportunity like this.”

And now we’re less than a year later, and holy shit… I have the same opportunity, if not potentially better.

But the only problem is, there is a lot of stress that comes with said opportunity…  The next few days, weeks, months are going to busy.

At one point, Erin had her arms around me as I cried into her shoulder.  I’ve been so super emotional the last few weeks.  I told her about my fear and worries, but I finished it up with, “But I know the Gods wouldn’t bring us this far and not give us a way out.”

This is where my faith comes into play.  For the last couple of years, I have placed the Gods first in my life above all else.  I pray for guidance with all my decisions to make sure I’m on the right path, and ever sense then, things have always worked out well for me.  I’m not going to say that we’ve had smooth sailing because even good situations can be stressful and a lot of work, but everything has been, for the most part, very positive.  And with every blessing and with every bump, I give thanks to the Gods, through prayer, for their continued support and guidance.  They truly come first in my life.

My faith tells me that the Gods have my back.  It tells me that They wouldn’t give me an amazing opportunity without the ability to see it through to the end.  We may have bumps in the road along the way, but things will work out.  If the Gods will it, so shall it be.

O is for… Omnipotence.

“Nothing can come between
You and I
Not even the gods above
Can separate the two of us”

– One Direction, You and I

Erin and I were driving… somewhere…  I don’t really remember where, and it’s not even that important, honestly.  And this song came on.  It’s a song by One Direction (this generation’s version of Backstreet Boys or NSync) called You and I.  It’s your stereotypical I’ll-love-you-forever-and-ever song, but this one has some lyrics that made me stop.

“Did he just says ‘gods‘?”

Why yes, he did.

I’m going to go off on a side rant here for a second: I really wish there was more pagan spiritual music that didn’t sound like heavy metal or celtic folk.  If anyone knows of any, please… PLEASE share it with me.  I absolutely would love some pagan music that’s more pop or alternative rock-ish.  I’ve gotten into this thing where I’m basically taking mainstream music and using it at spiritual music. All creation sings of wisdom and God, afterall.

Anyway, so we here this song and then Erin says, “You know, I don’t know if I’d really ever say that… I don’t feel comfortable tempting the Gods in that way.”

I agreed with her.

Lots of pagans have differing definitions of “the higher powers” and how far its higher power can go.  Some may not believe that there is any higher power controlling anything, but that we’re all connected by the spiritual energy found in us all.

For me, the Gods are omnipotent, which means I believe that They have unlimited power.  This doesn’t mean that they constantly control everything, but that they could if they wanted to.

Some sects of Christianity believe that the Christian God controls everything along with His unlimited power, which makes me wonder, then, why such bad things happen.  It’s a questions that comes up quite a bit.  Some will say that the Christian God is testing the faith of His followers and people.  Some will say that bad things happen to bad people, and that because of sin, there ARE NO good people.

For me, The Second Law of Thermodynamics explains why bad things can sometimes happen.  Now, there are probably a lot of people out there who’s head might start spinning because I suggest that science can explain my faith, and my explanation may be a bit shaky, but work with me.  The Second Law of Thermodynamics states that entropy (or the tendency for disorder) never decreases in a system.  Disorder is always increasing.

Disorder can mean any number of things, but I like to think of things in a very basic manner:  Order is Good, Disorder is Not-As-Good.  I don’t mean a cluttered room when I say disorder in this sense, although the Second Law might.  I’m saying when bad things happen in our lives, that our lives are in a state of disorder, and these things tend to happen.

So if this disorder is supposed to increase, why don’t our lives continuously get worse? The Gods.

The Gods have the ability to affect change in our lives.  They have the ability to make anything They want to happen, happen.  This is why They’re Gods.  This is why people call on Them for help.

On that same note, however, they can take things from us if they want.  They can decide to make something bad happen in our lives, if they wanted to.  The Bible itself is fully of stories of the Christian God bringing bad things down on people because He wanted them to happen.  There are stories about Ra and the destruction of mankind.  The Gods aren’t perfect.  They’ve hurt people in the past.

So why on Earth would anyone tempt them to do it again?

I’m not saying that we should fear the Gods, although that’s what it sounds like to some extent.

I can’t speak for anyone else, but from experience, the Gods bless us with everything we need right when it is that we need it.  They help to keep our lives out of that disorder and bad, and help us get out of it when we end up in it.  I don’t believe that all problems can be solved by prayer, but I believe prayer can help.  If anything, it gives us a way to take our stress and lessen it, to rid ourselves of negative emotions.

Those of you that are reading my other blog are probably all thinking, “Why don’t you take your own advice??”  And I’m trying to honestly, but I’ll be the first to say that this is easier said than done… To recognize the omnipotence of the Gods and allow Them to work in our lives for the greater good.  It’s not easy, but if we can, the benefits can be so rewarding.

The New Normal

That’s a TV show, isn’t it?  I don’t have cable, so I don’t keep up with all this stuff on TV.  Erin and I almost never watch TV, so we just keep our internet and Netflix and that’s all we need.  SO MUCH CHEAPER, let me tell you!

What is that saying?  The best laid plans often go awry.  That statement is so unbelievably true.  How many times have I had to adjust my “normal” to a “new normal” to compensate for something that the Gods have placed in my path.

Well, it’s happened… again… I think.  It’s all very crazy.

I can’t go into a lot of details right yet… Although some people are more aware than others.  It’ll all be coming out soon, I’m sure.

We all have grand plans for our lives, and most of us take steps to make those grand plans come to fruition, but sometimes the Gods place blessings or trials before us that change our plans somewhat or completely, and we have to deal with those situations before we can continue on.  It’s what I like to call the “New Normal,” which is what you have after all the adjustments have happened.

This is a normal part of life, even though it is generally a terrifying part of life, even if the situation isn’t a bad one.

Here’s how I’ve learned to cope with these situations that force me to find my new normal:

1) Education

Finding your new normal is a process.  Whatever the situation is that you are going through that has forced you into this situation is also a process.  There are people out there that have gone through what you are going through, and the best thing you can do is to research and learn from these people’s experiences.  Unexpected debt? Death? Birth?  All of these things have a process: a way to repay, a way to cope, and a way to prepare.  The first thing you can do is research these situations and learn as much as you can.

Knowledge is power.  Knowing as much as you can will help you to feel empowered on this new journey.  It’ll give you a sense of control over the situation.  It may also help you to find community in others who are going through the same thing you are.

2) Talk/Write it Out

This may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but writing or talking to someone can be a great way to get any feelings that are inside of you out.  I’ve found that bottling up my emotions causes me to feel anxious, and talking them out (or writing them out), has really helped me when I feel like my head might explode.

3) Take Everything Day-by-Day

And don’t forget to remind yourself of the positive.  Even when you have good things happening, the stress level may increase (like in the case of a new baby or promotion at work).  It’s important to remember, even then, that good things are happening.  Always, always, always look for the silver lining.  We can very easily get caught up and trapped in situations where our negative thoughts bring us down.  The quickest way to the new normal is to NOT let this happen.

Remind yourself of what you already have that’s good and keep reminding yourself, and add to it once the list begins to grow as you reach your new normal.

 

Having to adjust to new situations is very rarely easy or fast.  It’s important to remember that things will get better, but they will take time.

And, like always, when things really seem to be out of control, give it up to the Gods.  Let Them take your worry, your pain, and all the negativity so that you can focus on getting back to the New Normal.  When you do that, I promise things will start to immediately FEEL better.

The Netjeru

So I’m taking the beginner’s class for the Kemetic Orthdox Faith, and we’ve only had the first lesson and the first half of the second lesson, but I’ve learned quite a few things so far…  And it’s making me challenge a lot of my core beliefs about faith in general, but also strengthened my faith in unimaginable ways.  I’m really glad that I did this.

I have always believed that the Gods choose us, and not the other way around.

One thing I’ve fully believed from the time I was 16 to now is that I was chosen by Bast.  She came to me in a vision-dream one night, and I’ve felt her presence ever since then.  In this dream, I was feeling lost, abandoned, alone. Bast came to me in the form of a giant black cat, curled up on my stomach while I lay in bed.  I pet this cat and felt comforted, and I heard Bast’s voice in my mind telling me that all would be well and that I was loved and cared for just as I was.  When I woke, my hand dropped to my stomach and I still felt the fur on my skin where we’d touched.

This class has thrown these thoughts, not into full chaos, but definitely shaken them some.  The KO believe that you have divine parents in the Netjeru who want to have a relationship with you.  A lot of times, people are brought to the KO faith by Bast and Yinepu (Anubis), but they aren’t the parent figures…  So this got me to thinking, is Bast not my divine parent as I had previously thought?  Is there someone else out there who I don’t know about?

And how do I go about figuring all that out?  Maybe it’ll come up in some later lesson, but I struggle with impatience.

It’s excitement, I know it is.  I’ve never taken a spiritual class before that so closely matches what I currently already believe about the Gods and creation, so I’m excited.  Is there anyone out there who has experienced this and has any advice?

(P.S. – I realize this is a small post, but Erin and I are going out of town this weekend and I need to finish the shopping for our vacation before she gets off work!)