Time for Faith and Strength

So, as it usually happens, life gets the best of me.  I haven’t been able to continue on with the 30 Days Challenge, but I plan on doing it over and completely once this school year is over.  I just haven’t had time between working, the kids, and everything else that’s going on…

But now that everyone that needed to know has been notified, I can actually start talking about it.

The last three months have been a roller coaster of ups and downs.  In March, we found out I was pregnant.  Almost immediately afterwards, Erin lost her job.  Then almost immediately after that, the kids’ adoptions were finalized.  Then, a couple weeks later, Erin found out that she passed her national board exams and would be able to start job hunting.

She took a couple of weeks to let everything sink it, but then contacted her friend who lives in Tennessee, who is in the same line of work.  He mentioned the would be hiring in the next month or so, so we went up there in April to explore the area.  It was really nice and we found some good and affordable housing options, so we updated Erin’s resume and she sent it off to them.

In the mean time, we were a family of four living off of my teacher’s salary, and it wasn’t getting any easier.  We took money out of savings and paid it back when we were able, only to pull it back out again.  At one point, we had to borrow money from my parents to buy groceries and pay for Erin’s car.

We somehow snaked by the next month, but this month, our church is paying for our mortgage so we could buy groceries.  Unfortunately, we don’t qualify for any kind of assistance because I apparently “make too much money,” even though things are a big struggle right now.

Then, at the end of April, we found out I’d suffered a missed miscarriage.  The baby I was carrying didn’t make it past 8 weeks and 5 days, but my body didn’t realize it and held on the three weeks until the ultrasound.  I had a D&E the next day.

That very same day, Erin was offered a job.

Her friend in Tennessee got a call from a company in Florida asking if he was interested in relocating.  He said no, but gave them Erin’s contact information.  They contacted her, the told him yes, and they set up an interview.

She had the phone interview while I drove us to the OB that morning.  She was offered the job while I was waiting in the waiting room of the OB.

This is, essentially, her dream job.  They offered her two positions in Florida, depending on where she wanted to live, and she said she’d go down to check out the areas first before deciding.  They paid for her hotel rooms.  They’re giving her relocation money to help us move.

And they’re paying her over double what I made as a teacher and over three times what she made at her previous job.  I, essentially, will not have to work if I don’t want to.  I will probably focus on the home for the first few months and then get into subbing.  Maybe go back to the classroom the year following, depending on what our family looks like at that point.

She went down, explored both areas, picked one, found a home with our agent, and put an offer on it.  The offer was accepted, but then we got the call that we couldn’t get a loan because of the way that Erin’s job is structured.  We still haven’t secured housing.

She leaves in a couple weeks, and I will stay behind with the kids until we can secure housing.

In the mean time, I resigned my position at my school in a huge leap of faith.  This was probably the scariest thing I’ve ever done.  I’ve worked at that position for the last six years, and it’s all I’ve ever known as far as my career… and now my days there are literally numbered.  My last pay check is June 30th.

I told my church about the move, but also said I would continue to work there until we have a move date listed.

I have literally never been so scared about such a huge change in all my life.  And while I am super excited for what our future holds, I’m also anxious to get all the details ironed out.

There’s been many days the last few weeks where I’ve been grieving the loss of our pregnancy, while simultaneously stressing about our future.

Moving is just picking the two of us up and going.  It’s transferring the kids’ IEPs and schools.  It’s selling the house that we currently live in.

It’s me giving up all the control I’ve ever had to rely completely on another person for my well being and safety.

I have literally had panic attacks about this for the last few weeks, and mixing those with the grief has made me a miserable blah.  Yesterday, when I placed my resignation, I cried as I handed over the paper.  The secretary who accepted it hugged me and told me everything would work out.  They’d miss me, but this was a good move for us.  I cried more.

“You aren’t worried about the move, and you aren’t going to miss the school as much as you think.”  My coworker said.  “You’re mostly upset about your loss of control.”

He’s right, of course.  It’s scary for me.

Then, yesterday, as I heard a song on the radio that was exactly what I needed to hear.  I hadn’t heard it before and I haven’t heard it since.  This happens to me sometimes where I’ll hear songs one time when I need to hear them, but then never again.

This one was about not giving up and the road being long and hard for a reason.

Since then, this song has been my anthem, and it’s given me a lot of strength.  I have my fighting spirit back because I have to.  I don’t have the option of returning to my old job, so this is basically it: panic and break down or fight and make things happen.

I have chosen the second of the two options.

TaTa, South Carolina!  Hello, Florida!


Posted on May 31, 2017, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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