Anger

I spent a good deal of yesterday being angry. I definitely had some #GayRage going on, and I’m definitely still angry, but I can feel the anger giving way, slowly, into tears and grief. 

49 gay, lesbian, and straight allies died Sunday morning at the hands of a man whose story is continuously changing. 

At first, he was a Muslim extremist and an ISIS supporter. And this was just another senseless attack on Americans who were targeted because they were infidels. 

Then, his father revealed he wasn’t a practicing Muslim. His ex-wife revealed that he was an abuser. And some people at the club revealed he’d been there… More than once. 

His father said he’d gotten angry at two men kissing sometime earlier.

From there, the investigation discovered that he had LEGALLY obtained two assault riffles. 

And from there, he went and shot over 100 GLBTA+ people, killing 49 of them (so far because some people are in critical condition in the hospital still). 

He’d apparently been investigated by the FBI twice but they couldn’t find anything condemning, and he was a security guard with a permit to carry. 

I woke up that Sunday morning to the news and immediately text two of my friends who live in Orlando. 

Kelly, a long time friend who is a pharmacist, immediately wrote me back and said she was fine but that she couldn’t confirm some of her friends, and Nikki, an ex-girlfriend of mine who suffers from PTSD after a stint in Afganistan that I’m still friends with who works as a chef at Disney, who didn’t immediately write me back. 

Lucky for me, I heard from her a couple hours later:

Nikki: I’m okay. I was sleeping. I’m mad you used my full name though. 

Me: Thank goodness! And that’s how you know I’m serious. Are you okay?

She and Kelly, while not directly involved, were both shaken up. Kelly eventually found all her friends alive and safe. 

I think it’s fairly safe to say that an attack on the GLBT population is an attack on all GLBT people. There are a lot of GLBT folks right now who are fearful for their lives more so than usual. 

And there are plenty of straight people who are trying to not make it a gay issue. I lost a “friend” yesterday because she made it about #AllLivesMatter and said guns aren’t the problem and that this wasn’t an attack on gay people, it was an attack on Americans, and to say otherwise was to create division. 

Except it was an attack on gay people. This person chose a gay club to attack out of hate and anger towards gay people. 

Except that guns are a problem. The US has nearly one gun for every man, woman, and child in circulation right now. And we have more mass shootings than any other country in the world. Australia had eight mass shootings in the 1980s. They responded by increasing gun control. They haven’t had a problem since then. Not one single mass shooting. (Source)

I hear people shouting about the second amendment, but our government can’t stop a suspected terrorist from LEGALLY obtaining a gun, an assault rifle at that, but they can stop them from getting on a plane. 

After 9/11, we banned liquids greater than 3oz on planes because they might cause explosions. We banned nail clippers and nail files and knitting needles for their suspected use as a weapon.

But a man walks into a gay bar with two legally obtained assault rifles and murders 49 people, injuring even more, and we can’t see the correlation enough to ban assault rifles?? What. The. Hell???

And to everyone trying to make this about #AllLivesMatter and “They were Americans,” just stop. That diminishes them and what happened. These GAY Americans were killed because of homophobia. And taking the gay out makes that part of the discussion disappear. 

If all lives mattered, then we wouldn’t see night like last night happen. If all lives mattered, we wouldn’t need to have a discussion on the hate and violence that GLBT people face every single day. 

All lives, according to our homophobic society, don’t matter because GLBT people are sick and disgusting sinners worthy of death and hell. That’s some #AllLivesMatter shit right there. 

And I told my “friend” as much. Some white straight Christian male came to her defense and called it offensive that I pointed out that taking out the homosexuality of the victims diminishes what happened because it removes the GLBT directed hate from the discussion and turns it into a perpetual islamophobia argument instead. 

I called it offensive that he was trying to hijack a conversation about homophobia with a war  on Christianity. I called it offensive that he refused to acknowledge a fundamental aspect of these victims lives. I called it offensive that he was refus by to have that conversation. 

And then he told me he had “his own Christian opinions on homosexuality,” and I deleted her, my “friend,” for liking his nonsense and not my criticism of it. 

Because that is perpetuating violence against me and the rest of the GLBT community. 

I spent a lot of the day angry.

I spent a lot of the day reading about the victims over and over again. 

I spent a lot of the day seeing a lot of my “We are Paris” and “We are Charleston” friends not be “We are Orlando,” and I spent a lot of time calling them out on it. 

I spent a lot of the day in thought, alone because Erin was at work. Thoughts about potential copy cats. Thoughts about the LA guy who was arrested with his legally obtained weapons on his way to LA Pride. Thoughts about the families of the victims or the emergency staff hearing the phones go off over and over again and being unable to stop them. 

Thoughts about how there was a call for blood donations to help the victims, but how gay men and trans people were still barred from donating to their fallen comrades. 

Thoughts about how it could be me or my wife next. Or any of our friends. Because violence against the GLBT people isn’t just something that happens in Orlando. It happens everywhere. 

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Posted on June 14, 2016, in Life, Random Rants, The Gay Agenda and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Many are angry, even those of us not touched directly. Sorry you lost friend…but clearly they weren’t really worthy of your friendship.

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