The Power of the Gods
September 20, 2014.
This is the day that my heart broke into a million pieces at the hands of another. This is the day that a baby boy, whom I’d considered my own, was taken from me through a text message.
“I don’t know how I’m going to afford two children, but his dad won’t give him up.”
It was never “I want him” or “He’s my son, I can’t give him up.” It was always, “I want to adopt him to you, but I can’t because X, Y, and Z.”
And it was through text message.
Then, a month later, it was, “I’m talking to my lawyer, and I’m going to sue you for defamation of character because you’re spreading lies about me.”
Except that I wasn’t. I was hurt, yes, but I didn’t lie. I never lied. She didn’t want people to know the truth, and she wanted money from me and my family, but nothing ever came of it. I kept those texts for well over a year, and I have copies for future reference if the need ever arise, but they’re locked away in a drawer or e-mail account somewhere and I don’t look at them or the ultrasound photos.
I’ve since cut her and her children out of my life because the pain is too real. He’s just over a year old now, and it’s painful, even to this day, to really talk about it a lot. There was a child… and he was, as far as I and Erin considered, our son… Then, through a text message because she couldn’t face us in person and we’d been trying to for weeks, that little boy was taken away from us in a text message.
About two weeks later, a woman from church came up to us and said we were in her thoughts and prayers and that she was sorry for everything that happened. She then said, “You know… <<name omitted>> has a girl that is living with her that’s in foster care. She’s going to be up for adoption soon. I know she’s an older child, but maybe your family is supposed to grow through different ways. Family doesn’t always mean blood, you know.”
“Thanks, but it’s too soon. It’s too raw.. and I just can’t… I can’t do anything right now.”
“I understand, but just think about it.”
In the weeks to come, this little girl started coming to my Sunday School classes. We started to get to know each other, and I started to feel my heart strings tugging again, but I kept saying, “It’s too soon. The pain is still too fresh.”
Finally, I did what I should have done from the beginning, “Okay, Gods. If she is supposed to be our child, then You will make those doors open. You will make the way for us.”
I spoke to her foster mother about her future, and she replied, “She has a forever family lined up already, I think. In <<A Different City>>.”
And that was that. About a month later, the little girl disappeared, and I believed that she had gone on to her forever family.
That was, until mid-December, when I was doing a study on various December holidays in the Elementary School classroom at church, and her foster mother had some children’s books on the birth of prophet Mohammad, PBAH.
I went over to her house to pick them up, and the girl walked out into the living room to say hello. After she had gone, I asked her foster mother about her placement, and she said, “It fell through. Her younger brother was having some behavior problems, and they didn’t want to deal with it, so they dropped out.”
“Have they had any other inquiries?”
“No, and she’s 13. They may adopt the independently so he has a better chance, because she’s pushing into the age where they won’t be adopted together.”
I told Erin what I had seen. She said, “It’s too soon. We have too much going on.”
My words were ringing through my head, If this is the path you want us to walk, Gods, You will make the way for us. You will open the doors, and change all the hearts that need to be changed to make this a reality. If it is Your Will, then it is Your Way, and we will follow Your guidance, Gods, because You have lead us to this moment.
Then, the girl was baptized in the church we attend. It was so emotional to see a Unity version of a baptism because it’s more spiritual than anything else. Erin and I were getting choked up.
After the service, I went to teach Sunday School, and Erin went to work on school work. At one point, I looked out the window in the door and I see the girl sitting with Erin, and they’re talking and just hanging out.
After service, Erin comes up to me, “I want to adopt her.”
I said, “Don’t mess with my heart like this. I want to adopt her too.”
I explained to Erin that she doesn’t come alone, that she comes with a younger brother, and that we probably don’t have the space, but I’ll ask her foster mother some questions and we’ll talk about it more then.
I spoke to her foster mother that afternoon, and she said, after answering a few questions, “I’m having the same thought you are having now.”
“That you and Erin could adopt her and her brother.”
I gave her our excuses (the biggest one being that she told us that her and her brother would have to have separate rooms. I told her we might not have the space if we couldn’t use our basement and since the basement has a door that leads directly outside, it might not be usable), and she gave me back reasons why they sucked. She then said, “Let’s just leave it at ‘it could work’.” Okay, I can handle that.
The next day, she told me the girl’s caseworker was on board, and then she said, “here’s the number you need to call. Talk to the coordinator.”
I asked Erin, “Are we doing this?”
She said the words that would forever change our lives, “Yes. I think we are.”
I called the number, we went through intake.
And then things started happening. We had our initial interview with our licensing coordinator on Thursday, and we got a lot of questions answered.
“I don’t know if we can use this basement for a second bedroom. If we can’t, then we can only take two children of the same sex, unfortunately.”
If this is what you want, Gods. You will make a door for us.
“Using this basement won’t be a problem. And we can put a crib in your room, so you can get licensed for the maximum number of five children. You will need a crib. And you will need to set these two rooms up for two children each.”
This meant that we needed to get rid of the bed in the spare room and get bunk beds for that room instead. We would also need to get two beds for the basement room and a crib. We were looking at $2,000 + for all that.
If this is what you want, Gods, You will make a door for us.
At church this past Sunday, our friend said, “Hey so our son has outgrown his bunk beds, and I know you have that larger bed in your room and you are looking for bunk beds… Do you just want to trade?”
And then that night, my parents offer us another bed before we even tell them the need we have.
Now, we are working on getting CPR trained, and it is either today… or in May… and with DHEC being backed up 90 days, we wanted to get all our training and stuff done as quickly as possible.
Erin has class on Wednesdays until 8PM and the class starts at 6PM.
If this is what you want, Gods, You will make a door for us.
Erin’s job requires that she be CPR certified ever year, and the state accepted her certification that she already has so she doesn’t have to go to this training. This means we get to utilize the March training tonight since Erin doesn’t have to go.
Erin and I are becoming licensed as foster parents with the hopes of adopting two amazingly wonderful children (and possibly more down the road).
The Gods wanted this to happen, and They made the way for us. Of this, I have absolutely no doubts.