Post Funeral Energy
I wrote all about the details elsewhere…
Now, I’m just exhausted. I want so much to just listen to my meditation music and let the beats just run over my body, washing away the sludge I feel. It is making my skin crawl.
I’m so tired…. Tired of hypocrisy. Tired of veterinarians. Tired of illness. Tired of death.
Elijah, Bentley, Yukon, and Victoria (“Tori”) have all been sick the last week.
Elijah isn’t so much sick and just really, really old. He’s eight, and that’s up there for a ferret. I don’t think he has much time left.
Yukon has been vomiting and has diarrhea. He’s been to the vet, he’s been given medications, he’s been on a special diet. It bothers me to see him so sick… It bothers me just as much that people claim they care about him but don’t bother asking how he’s doing. Yukon is so lucky to have two moms who love him more than anything and will take the extra time to make sure that his food is prepared correctly and that he gets his medications on time.
Bentley got what Yukon got, but his hasn’t been as bad.
The one who’s taking all our time right now is Tori…. She requires multiple medications multiple times a day. She has to be syringe fed food because she’s not eating on her own again yet. We saw her take a few small bites this morning, which is better than where we had been… but not where we want to be.
There was talk about cancer.
And for a couple of days, we weren’t sure she was going to make it. I called Ash, my ex, and told her that she may need to come and see her in the next couple of days if things don’t improve… to say goodbye. Ash has always had a special connection to Tori, and I felt it was only right. She always asks how they’re doing whenever we talk, and when Tori got sick, she wanted be kept up to date.
Luckily, there’s less talk of cancer now. Less… but not nothing.
I’m so tired of having the type, amount, and size of fecal material be a topic of discussion multiple times a day. I’m so tired having to spend 30 minutes a night on getting Tori ready for bed… and that doesn’t include the time we have to spend with the ferrets, dogs, other cats.
This is the life of a home full of elderly animals.
We took Elijah, our aging ferret, out of his cage last night. He curled up on the dog bed and I laid down next to him and pet him for 30 minutes…. tears streaming down my face. His breathing was labored, he’d go still from time to time. There were moments where I thought, “This is it… He’s gone.” And then he’d suck in another breath and lift his head.
I kept petting him, and each pet I would think, It’s okay Elijah. If you need to go… you can go. We’ll miss you, but we’ll see you again. You don’t need to hold on for us.
If he makes it through the weekend, we may have him put down early next week. We have a vet appointment for him on Tuesday with a specialist to see.
I’m just… so… tired.