The last few days have been rough and emotionally taxing. The funeral is tomorrow, and I am going as support for my friends since I didn’t know Ashe. We had question and answer Sunday at church, and I asked a question about suicide. My voice cracked. I don’t know why. Maybe it was the full weight of the emotions coming down on me from all around.
I took the day off from work for this. On Friday, when everything came out, I had a group of people over at my house: Lindsay, Lindsey, Amy, Kristi, and Faye. It was nice to finally meet Faye. I wish it had been on better circumstances, but I had heard so much about her. We have an ex in common.
We played with the dogs and she told me about her dog, Tater, that was technically her ex’s dog, but liked her better. She said she missed him. There was a lot of talk about loss, and I tried to make people laugh when and where I could.
I wish I had the emotional maturity to go into ministry. I feel like it could be something that I am good at. It is something I feel drawn towards. I’m in youth ministry right now at my church, but I’d love to go further. Right now, I feel myself in a big state of evolutionary change, so I guess that I will just have to wait and see where this path takes me.