Change and Balance

Here we go again… neglecting this blog.  I don’t like writing here unless the post has spiritual meaning.  I use my other blog for all my mundane life updates and rants, but I’m starting to really realize just how much the Unity Church has drastically changed my perception of the world while strengthening my faith as a Pagan. 

The world around me is rapidly changing.  There are things happening around me and within me that I have absolutely no control over.  

When I was first diagnosed with PCOS late last year, I had spent many of the last three years in some sort of hormone pit where I didn’t have the normal hormonal ups and downs that women normally get.  When I started treatment, and started my vitamin regiment, and started my diet and exercise plan (down nearly ten pounds from where I was at the end of last year, so that’s exciting!), I wasn’t expecting the emotional roller coaster that this would put me on.

When you haven’t truly experienced PMS in nearly three years, you aren’t really sure what to expect, and this is what I’ve learned: I cry for nearly no reason for the 48 hours before I start, and it’s been a weird and hard adjustment for me. 

There’s been a lot of upheaval for us too.  My car needed $1,900 worth of repairs and maintenance (really the first big thing that it’s needed in the nearly 5 years I’ve had the car), and Erin finally bit the bucket and traded in her truck for a Mazda 3 hatchback that’s in better condition than my CR-V and has every single bell and whistle you can possibly imagine… The car will practically drive itself…  All together, that weekend cost us nearly $13,000, so that’s been interesting reassessing our budget for the added car payments. 

It’s not like we’re hurting for money, but we had to move some bills around and change payment dates to make sure we were fairly evenly spread.

Then there’s the wedding… We’re a few days shy of 100 days to go and we haven’t started planning the rehearsal dinner yet… Or done tastings or anything. And our one night event has turned into a three day blow out. It all starts on Thursday with our rehearsal, followed by the rehearsal dinner, and possibly wrapping up with a bachelorette party that night. Friday, my aunt is throwing us a bridal party brunch before we run off to get ready for the wedding at 7 and the reception after. Then Saturday, my mom is having brunch for anyone who wishes to attend. 

It’s a lot. And since my family is… Well… My family, they are sparing no expense. This has been difficult for Erin and I to deal with because A) we don’t like spending insane amounts of money and B) we aren’t use to these numbers being “okay.” (We don’t have the money my parents have.)

I think we’re finally at a point where we are simply saying thank you and being insanely gracious. How does one repay someone for dropping $22,000+ on their wedding (my smoking hot dress was just over $1800 alone)? We figure that we’ll give them multiple grandchildren and be happy together until the end of time. 

But making sure everything is done how it should be and how we want it is overwhelming. We’re doing what we can when we can and not stressing about the rest.  Or at least pretending that we aren’t stressing. Hah!

And then there’s all the stuff going on with Erin’s graduate school. She is taking multiple classes now at the graduate level and we both forgot how much time school takes, so it’s been an adjustment. She spends many evenings working on school by watching the video lectures and taking notes and studying. I’ve taken over some of the cleaning (or at least pulling more of the weight than I wasn’t) and I cook dinner nearly every night to help take care of her so she can focus on school. 

And then I try to grade. 

We’re debating delaying trying for our own again until after she is out of school. We don’t really want to wait, but Erin’s education is a top priority for us, and we want her to do the best she can. She’s only made one B so far. The rest are A’s. And the B was on a technicality with how the class is graded. 

And if this wasn’t enough just “stuff” happening, a lot of my friends seem to be struggling right now too. And this was the entire point of the blog. 

When Erin and I first started going to Unity Church in August/September, we weren’t in a good place physically. As a couple, we were stronger than ever, but we felt like everything around us was coming down in huge pieces. 

And Unity taught us so much about the world and how it operates. 

We learned that we are co-creators with the Gods. That our thoughts and feelings and actions have a direct affect on the world around us. We can literally change our reality for the better or worse simply by how we think and feel and act. 

They gave us tools to help us shape our reality, ways to help us change our thoughts and feelings to make them more positive more of the time. I still remember the service where the pastor said, “it’s not so much about what did I do to deserve all these ‘bad things’ happening to me but it’s what can I learn from this situation to grow and become a better version of who I am today?”

We were able to move out of that dark place in dealing with the failed adoption and start moving towards and planning our own future family. 

Now, we try to focus more on the positive and less on the negative. Yes, there are days when we still fail (like when I heard the mechanic tell me I owed $1,974.23 on my car), but now I feel I’m better able to talk myself out of those times (either with Erin or through a blog or both) and move back into a more positive state of mind. 

And yeah, I’m seriously behind with The Pagan Experience and the Kemeitc Round Table and I never finished my blogs anoth the five principles, but that’s because there is a lot of other things going  on, positive other things, but other things none the less. 

Eventually I will get to them… Maybe.. Hopefully… šŸ™‚


Posted on February 28, 2015, in Balance, Life, Love, Positive, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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