Jealousy and Knowing Better
This post is a rant. And just me blowing some steam. Because it’s better to do it here and just get it out than causing issues in my real life, which is pointless since all this will blow over in the next two days.
I like to think that I’m a smart person. I majored in Biology, minutes in German, and got a Master’s degree in education. I’m able to budget and support myself without the help of others. And I have experienced enough in my life that I am able to discern when someone is telling the truth and when they’re just exaggerating, blowing smoke, or straight up lying.
Jealousy is the least attractive emotion a person can ever express, and jealousy makes people do and say things… From trying to make others feel bad to playing down the importance events in their own lives as “not a big deal” to make sure they feel better about themselves because they don’t feel 100% about whatever.
“I don’t care that my ex is dating someone again and I’m not. Being single’s so much better anyway.”
“So-and-so told me how much better off I am because my ex was a horrible loser who used me and was lazy!”
“I don’t care that my ex is getting married before me because my wedding isn’t a big deal, even though we’re inviting at least 200 people to our wedding!”
Obviously, you do. And obviously, it shows.
I abhor drama. And I am so thankful that Erin and I don’t have drama and that our friends don’t have drama.
I’ve learned a lot about wedding planning the last few months, and the first thing you have to have is a budget. Or at least an understanding of how much things cost.
When we originally started planning our wedding, we decided that we were going to have our event in this cute cabin in the mountains. We wanted to have it local so that we didn’t have to get a whole slew of hotels to house everyone. And it was going to be in November, but things don’t always work out the way you want them too… And with family in Japan, november wasn’t a good time. We kept going through months until we arrived at June.
Then we started thinking about numbers, and very quickly, we realized that our small venue in the mountains wasn’t going to be big enough. We were pushing almost 200 people on our list, and our cute place in the mountain topped out at 75. And you can’t, honestly, set a venue until you know how many people you are inviting because you need a place that is big enough. And there’s no point in paying for a place that is too big.
When we started thinking more about it, we realized that we’d have to provide all the decorations, get private catering, and all these things cost money. We started to look elsewhere. That’s when we found our current venue, but when we spoke to them originally, we got a rude awakening to the cost of a wedding.
Our venue covers the decorations, the catering, the set up, clean up and gives us a bartender. They’ll also do flowers. The only thing we have to do is get the DJ, photographer, and cake. The average price for catering (including a meal, appetizers, non-alcohol drinks) is $50/person. When we were quoted at 125 attending (which is expected if 200 are invited), we were looking at just over $10,000 after everything was said and done (and this was without a photographer, a DJ or a cake).
Now, we could have spent this if we really wanted to, but we decided we’d rather save some money as a wedding gift from my parents, so we went back and started cutting our list down some. We didn’t really want to, but even with my family as well off as we are, catering for 200-ish potential people is way too much. It’s stupid ridiculously expensive. And while our wedding is important to us, it’s not over-10,000-dollars-for-catering important.
We didn’t want to make the wedding in a different state because there’s no reason to. We can legally get married in South Carolina. And having it out of state would make it more expensive because EVERYONE would have to get a room, not just our out of town guests.
The one thing that people will remember about a wedding is the entertainment. Not the cake. Not the flowers. Not the venue. Not even the food. The entertainment. And for us?
We wanted to make sure we had the best memories, so we splurged on our photographer. (They have a trademark shot that you can’t get with anyone else but them.)
I love Erin. With all my heart and soul. My family and my friends love Erin. And her family and friends love me.
But I’m not going to lie to myself and other people by saying our wedding isn’t important. It’s our chance to stand before family, friends, and the Gods themselves to proclaim our love and devotion for each other. It’s a statement to everyone that our love should be valued and supported and nurtured just like any others. I have fought for the right to legally proclaim my love and to have my relationship and family legally recognized.
I will not now degrade this by saying my wedding isn’t important because all that I need is love. That’s a lie. I need more than love. I need to know that Erin can go on birth certificates. I need to know that she can see me in the hospital if something happens or vice versa. I need to know that if something happens to me, she won’t lose her house or way of life. I need to know that she protected. And my marriage is how that happens.
Yeah, we can go to the courthouse. But why should we? We have the right to do it up big, and Gods damn it, we are. My family wants it. Erin’s family wants it. All of our friends want it.
And we want it.
And while we’d love to have all 200-ish people we originally planned on having there… Our party… And our memories… Were more important than having every single person we know there and spending more money than necessary to have the time… And day… Of our lives.
Our wedding will be perfect because people who matter will be there. And we’ll be there. Together. That day and every day after.
And I’m not sorry.
About any of that.