Leaning on Faith

We got the news we were expecting to get for a couple weeks now…. Ever since we found out our baby was a boy… Shelly Sanders decided that her “perfect” family of a baby boy and a baby girl was more important than the wellbeing of a child she can’t afford to keep.

And rather than calling us to tell us or meet us in person, she texts is to tell us she was destroying our dreams. Rather than waiting to start the adoption process, she jumped in and has cost us quite a bit in lawyer fees and state fees. She has hurt us emotionally and financially and all we can think about is how this child is going to possibly grow up in an unhealthy environment.

We got this news in the middle of Pagan Pride today. In the middle of a morning session. Through text.

We cried together but then started moving around. We knew this news was coming. We’d felt it for awhile. We are moving forward on our plans to have a child of our own or possibly start planning our wedding, whichever seems like it will happen first.

I’m so happy that I have Erin to lean on in times like this. It’s been a really rough afternoon.

PPD was amazing, but it was hard to stay in the moment after what happened. My doctor also put me on a medication to help me focus on being in the now, but it’s kicking my ass and making me feel super exhausted. The last workshop of the day was the worst…. I was so tired and emotionally drained that I wasn’t really focused on anything. I ended up leaning on Erin and almost fell asleep.

Aside from leaning on Erin, I’ve just been praying silently all day that things will work out for everyone. All I have left is love and faith, emotionally speaking.

Hopefully, I’ll feel better tomorrow. Because nothing… Absolutely nothing… Is worse than feeling like we’ve lost a child.


Posted on September 20, 2014, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. I am sorry for this blow to your future, and pray that the gods continue to give you strength.

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