A Letter To My Ex:

I’m taking a week off of the PBP… Mainly because Q is a hard letter, and something happened today that I wanted to address.

Dear Ex,

I saw that notification today on my phone. The one where you followed me on Pinterest, but when I went to check again, you were gone. The only conclusion I can gather is that you were checking up on me and accidentally pushed the button. Then, realizing what you’d done, undid it. It’s okay. I don’t mind if you follow me anymore. It’s better to just be honest about checking up on me then lying about it or trying to hide it, and it’s really okay. I’ve known for awhile that you were even though you said you weren’t, and I promise, it doesn’t bother me.

I know you probably will read this too, which is why I’m writing here. You found out about my adoption somehow, so it was either here or there, and my guess is here.

To be honest, I check up on you from time to time as well, like I do all my exes, except most of my exes and I are friends, and we really aren’t. We tried that, and I said some stuff and you said some stuff and it really just boiled down to neither of us were ready, and I don’t know if we ever really will be anymore. It’s been over three years.

You’ve said some fairly snarky things about me, don’t lie, and I’ve said some pretty snarky things about you as well. I’d pin something, you’d pin back. It was a game. A really twisted, fucked up, immature game you and I played against each other where no one ever wins.

The thing is, when I got that notification today, I wasn’t angry: I was shocked. I was surprised that you’d try to friend me again after how it all left off the last time we “talked,” where you said nasty things and I threatened the police on you because you claimed to have my stuff still. I’ve given up all hopes of seeing it again, but I guess after three years, I don’t really need it anyway.

Listen, dear ex, I don’t hate you. I hurt you, you hurt me back, we hurt each other a lot, over and over again. It’s been like that for three years now, but now we just do it in the shade. I think there’s an old saying that says something about we only hurt the ones we care about, and I guess that says a lot about us.

I don’t love you anymore, at least not like how I use to… Back when things were good before they got all screwed up, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t still care. I don’t really care of you like me or not, and I don’t care in a “I want to be with you” way, but I care that you’re doing well and that you’re happy.

You have your fiancé and baby, and I have my wonderful girlfriend and soon-to-be-adopted child. Our lives have similarities, but they’re not identical. And they work for us. You’re happy, and I’m happy. And really, that’s all that matters.

It doesn’t matter if you follow me on wordpress or Pinterest or friend me on Facebook. It doesn’t bother me one bit. So follow away, if you want. I won’t stop you, I won’t talk badly about you and I won’t ask you why. Because it’s okay.

I promise.

Kel

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Posted on August 21, 2014, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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