The other week when I was stuffing report cards with the school, a couple teachers asked me what my religion and my beliefs were. I wrote about it in a blog called “What Do You Believe? Or… How I Witnessed to the Christian Right.” I talked to them about miracles.
The Bible is full of miracles, and being raised a Christian, I was taught all about the miracles that would/do happen in my life.
Every time I’ve gone through a really tough time in my life, my faith has gotten me through it.
I believe in everyday miracles. The Gods have brought me to where I am right at this moment. When I look back at my life and the decisions I have made, I honestly can’t say that I regret any of them. Even with all the problems and poor choices from my past, I can honestly say that if I could go back and change something, I wouldn’t.
To me, a miracle is what my currently life is: I’m content, I’m happy. I’m with someone I love deeply, living in a house I own, with a job I love. And every decision, good and bad, has led me to this very moment.
A miracle is defined as “a surprising and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore considered to be the work of a divine agency.” To me, this isn’t stuff like, “Why is the sky blue?” or “How did life get on this planet?” To me, miracles are reserved for things that are entirely out of my control that go in my favor, if that makes any sense.
For example, you can prepare and prepare and prepare for a job interview. You can buy the best outfit, write up the best resume, answer all the questions in the right way, but you may still not get the job. It’s up to the person interviewing you, and that is out of your control. This is where I see the Gods working miracles in my life. They make it so I get chosen, or that whatever it is goes my way.
And in all my years as a Pagan, I’ve never been in a position where I believed the Gods weren’t on my side. Each little good thing that happens in my life, I make sure to thank the Gods for it. Each little bad thing that happens in my life (because we have to honest: bad things do happen), I use as a way to turn to the Gods for shelter and for guidance. It’s made my faith grow exponentially, and my life and behavior and faith have affected those around me.
I got some new earlier today that upset me in a really odd way. I was happy at the news because it was something positive for a lot of people involved (a friend is having a baby), but it upset me because it was… well, it was jealousy. Jealousy because my friend had something I really desperately wanted. It wasn’t jealousy in a hateful or mean way, but it was jealousy in an impatient way. It made me cry because my feelings of never-my-turn came back up. I’ve gotten to the stage in my life where everyone around me seems to be having babies, and I’m desperately wanting one for myself…
Except that I know Erin and I aren’t ready. Our relationship is strong and grounded. She’s the most compatible person I’ve been with, and a life without her makes me want to cry. There are things we want to do first: she wants to finish graduate school, and I want to pay off the debt my ex left me in (Oct 2015, baby, let’s go!!) We want to get married first. We want to go on our honeymoon first. We want to renovate the back yard, go to Niagra Falls, go to Europe… First. There’s a lot of things we want to do first, and while we may or may not get to everything (Niagra Falls is in December this year, and we’re hoping Europe for a honeymoon), we want to do as much as possible before having our first child.
So I sent her all these messages after I left the gym today about how I felt like I was falling behind… like how my time was never going to come… about how I wasn’t sure my insurance would cover the costs of an RE, IUI or IVF because I’m gay… how sperm donation from a sperm bank is expensive, and how I didn’t know if I knew anyone I would feel comfortable with as a donor.
She called me, asked if I was okay, and through tears, I explained myself again. She then responded, “Kel, I’m sorry you’re feeling like this, but you aren’t ‘falling behind’ like you think you are. We are perfectly on track, and things will happen in their time. I have faith that the Gods will provide for us when it’s time. I believe and trust in them, and you know that that’s the truth. When it is time, they will provide… and things will work out like they always work out for us… in our favor.”
One of the things that my coworkers who I ended up witnessing to, before she asked me my views, said that her husband helps her remember the glory of God when she starts to feel down or doubtful. Today, I realized that the Gods put Erin in my life to be that for me, and I couldn’t be any more grateful or thankful than I am. Her strength and her faith helps me to be strong when I don’t feel like I can be, and it’s a wonderful thing to witness and be a part of.
And to me, that is the greatest miracle of all.
Posted on June 20, 2014, in Belief, Faith, Kemeticism, Life, Love, Pagan Blog Project, Paganism, PBP, Positive, Relationships, Religion, Spirituality and tagged Gods, kemetic, kemeticism, kemetism, Lesbian Dating, Lesbian Relationships, LGBT, Life, Love, M, pagan, Pagan Blog Project, paganism, PBP, Relationships. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.