My Average Lesbian Life – Thoughts on the “Gay Agenda”

It’s the Saturday night of a normal, albeit extended weekend, at the time that I started writing this blog, I was sitting on the couch listening to Erin make Country Western Soundtrack sounds about the dust; I need to sweep the floor. “We’re going to be living in a Western flick, babe, but instead of tumbleweeds, we’re going to have dust bunnies made of animal fur.”

My coworkers told me that ripping the carpet up and putting down flooring would help my allergies, but we’re still getting to a baseline of clean where the dust is settling and needs to be swept on a regular basis to get rid of it.  I seriously hope it goes away completely soon because sneezing so much is giving me a headache.

I went shopping today with Erin so she could buy a dress for Phantom of the Opera tomorrow (which I guess is technically today now).  I bought tickets a while back to surprise her with them. She decided that she wanted to wear a dress, which she normally does not do. I figured she’d just wear pants, but she wanted a dress.

She doesn’t own a dress.

Hence the shopping, and it worked out perfectly because of all the Memorial Day sales going on right now. We started out at a store that wasn’t at the mall to avoid traffic and found a cute black and white dress, but the fabric was thin. But let me tell you what: damn.

Erin is a petite small, and shopping for petite small is not easy. Especially when you’re tall like she is, so she generally wears clothes that are a size too big, but when she put on that dress and I saw her for the first time in a dress… My heart stopped. She looked amazing.

And I realized something: I’m so happy that I’m gay.  I mean, it’d be pretty awkward to be that attracted to someone and not be gay.  I also really appreciate her femininity.  I find myself attracted to more soft-butch type girls, and it’s nice be with someone who can change out every part on their truck but can turn around and still fancy herself up in a dress.  I enjoy being a lesbian.  I enjoy having a relationship with a woman.  It’s really nice.

Eventually, we found a dress that she really liked, and I realized that the dresses that I own don’t match with it well (and they’re big on me now anyway), so I needed to get myself a new dress (oh, darn!).  It turned into a whole stopping morning, trying on stuff we would never buy, trying on stuff that we might buy… Standing next to each other in the dressing room saying stuff like, “Do you think these two go well together?”  and “Are you sure this color matches?”

In the end, I found a new dress that matches the accent color on her dress, so the two match really, really well together.  It’s going to be nice going out on the town all gussied up for a show, and be obvious that we’re together.  We’re meeting my mom and my sister for dinner before the show, which will be fun.  After I told my mom that I bought tickets, she got tickets for herself and my sister on the same night so we could all go out together.

I dropped Erin off at home and headed to work.  I am a homebound instructor as well as a teacher.  I don’t need the extra income, but who’s going to refuse extra money?  And the family I work with is probably some of the nicest people on the planet.  Their kids are amazing and extremely smart, so it makes my job a lot easier too.  I came home to Erin finishing up her stuff for class this week, so I started reading a book and then took a nap.

I finally convinced Erin to get a Pinterest so she could Pin engagement rings that she liked for herself (you know, in case I want to buy one some day or something).  She started pinning everything BUT engagement rings, so we spent some time this evening pinning ideas for basements, backyards and guestrooms.

Then our friend A came over for some dinner and rum; we played with the five-week-old foster kittens Erin and I are keeping until they’re weaned for rescue.  We chatted about past relationships with people we’d commonly dated, old friendships long gone, and vacation plans.  I made barbecue chicken and Erin sauteed some veggies.

After A left, Erin and I watched an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Thank the Gods the first season is almost over), and now we’re sitting in bed.

It seems pretty… average… doesn’t it?

There’s a lot of yelling going on down here in the south about “special rights for gays,” and it’s really confusing to me because I don’t want special rights… I just want, you know, my human rights.

I’ve decided that I want to get married in South Carolina if I’m still living here when the time comes.  I know a lot of people have a ceremony and then they go to another state to make it legal, but I’ve been fighting for my right to marry in South Carolina for a long time, and I’ve decided that I want to make it legal in South Carolina.  Now, I might have a ceremony with friends and family to show my commitment before the Gods and everyone, but the legality of it… That might have to wait.

Not to mention, being forced file taxes together federally but separately in the state would be annoying and confusing, and I don’t want to deal with that.

It really goes beyond that, though.

I’m lucky in that my job isn’t going to fire me for being gay, but a lot of people down here aren’t.  I’m lucky that my family accepts me and Erin, so we always have their support in our choices and our relationship.  In South Carolina, there’s no laws saying that LGBT people can’t adopt, but there’s no law that says they can.  Doing a second parent adoption of a child is difficult, and you have to find specific lawyers.  A hospital isn’t going to just put Erin on the birth certificate of any children that we have, and there’s a lot of stuff that schools, hospitals, and the state can do to make LGBT family life down here difficult.

Without proper consent/paper work, a school/hospital/doctor’s office can refuse the second parent’s right to make decisions of their child.  If a couple breaks up, there’s no protections for child support or custody agreements.  I’m not saying this is how it is commonly, but it could happen to anyone at anytime if they are LGBT and in the south.

I feel like it’s going to happen soon.  There’s multiple lawsuits going through South Carolina right now.  The Four Circuit Court is hearing cases that could affect this state.  There’s a very good chance that when I’m looking at legal marriage and having children that it will be legal here, and I won’t have as much to think about.

But here’s the exception to my rule about legal marriage: If we have our ceremony and it’s not legal… and when we start trying to have a family, and it’s still not legal… Then I will move to an equality state with my entire family.  I’m not going to put my entire family at risk by living in a state that could just as easily take my kids away for being gay if they wanted to.  I’m not going to put Erin into a situation where she’s questioned about the legality of her right to her own child.  I will move to a state that recognizes my family as a family.  I honestly would miss South Carolina if it came down to that, but my family would come first.

So I really hope that South Carolina gets it together.  Although, to be honest, we might end up moving anyway if Erin gets a job offer somewhere else.  As a teacher, I can really go where ever.  And I realize that this is like… well over a year out before it becomes an actual thing, but these are things I think about from time to time, and it’s nice to just write it out.

That’s the gay agenda, though.  To have normal, boring Saturdays with friends and family… To be recognized by the places we call home as first class citizens…

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Posted on May 25, 2014, in Life, Love, Random Rants, Relationships, The Gay Agenda, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. 2futuremommies

    There is so much about this post that reminds me of my wife and myself. We had a large ceremony here in Michigan with our family and friends and then got legally married in Washington DC on our way to our honeymoon in Virginia. We had said in the past that we wanted to move to a legal state, but recently came to the conclusion that we really do like it where we live. If we moved, we would miss our family and friends, along with the environment that surrounds us, particularly the abundance of freshwater lakes. Then, a judge ruled the ban on gay marriage unconstitutional, and we were ‘legal’ for about 25 hours until a stay was placed on the decision. I don’t know how much progress is happening in SC, but it seems like we’re making leaps and bounds towards equality everywhere, which is amazing to me. I remember when the Massachusetts decision was announced 10 years ago. I was in some of my last days of high school, and for some reason we were watching CNN in class. I was so happy, even though back then, I never really thought I would ever get married.

    • I remember deciding that that was where I was going to move to when I heard the news, and I did eventually for a year, but came back.

      I love South Carolina. My family is all here, and who knows what happens in a year, right?

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