Divination and Discipline

I’m stepping off my normal podium for this post to talk about something that I don’t necessarily consider a major aspect of my religious belief and practice: divination.

Back in my generic-Pagan and Wiccan days, I was very big into divination, especially Tarot.  I would take my cards into school (high school at the time) and do readings for people who asked me.  Always for free.  It gave me a lot of practice time.  I still, to this day, do not have the cards memorized.  I don’t see much reason to because I usually only do reading for friends or myself, and I never have people pay for them.  My philosophy is that once the cards are down, the meaning doesn’t change; therefore, it’s okay for me to not have the cards all memorized.

Some people would disagree with me, and that’s okay.

I’ve been called a Reader by quite a few people, many of them strangers.  When I do a Tarot reading, I get images and actually see visions of what it is that the cards are telling me.  My biggest problem is this: I sometimes also read of the people I’m doing the reading for and I’ll see what they hope the cards say.  I struggle with discerning the two.

I did a reading one time for a man who was struggling to determine if he should date the girl he just met or go back to his ex of multiple years (who was trying to make necessary changes to be with him).  The cards were telling me that he needed to stay with his ex and work it out, but he wanted the cards to say the other girl.  I struggled with determining the two stories.

I don’t do readings as often now as I use to, so my abilities are lacking.  I’m out of practice.

I lack a certain discipline, I guess you could say, for the art.  I love divination.  It’s my favorite type of spiritual practice, and when I can work through the muck and get the true story, I am very rarely wrong.

I miss it, honestly.

There were times when the cards gave me clear warning signals that said: Do not past go.  Do not collect $200.  And I chose to ignore them only to have everything they said come true.  It’s difficult though, delivering bad news to someone you’re invested in and care about.. who’s sitting right across from you looking at you for the “we’re going to make it forever and ever.”  And the cards are clearly saying, “no, you aren’t.  And if you choose to continue forward, then you’re going to have a really horrible experience and things will end very, very badly.”

I did, for the longest time, have trouble sticking up for myself.  I went along with what everyone else was saying or doing and just sorta accepted things for how they were.  It was the worst in relationships or when it came to people I was interested in.  It was a never ending cycle, it felt like, and it got worse as the years went on.

Divination, or future-telling, can happen in many forms.  There’s Tarot or dowsing or reading tea leaves.  You can see it in people’s auras or in dreams… or simply just by examining the world around you.

When I do divination, especially with Tarot, I ask the cards and the Gods to simply show me what I need to know or what the person I’m doing the reading for needs to know.  It may not be what I’m looking for, but it’s what I need.  Sometimes, people will come in looking for relationship advice, but what they need to focus on isn’t love… it’s money or education or something else that needs to be taken care of before love can be found.

For me, it was standing up for myself, and the Gods were doing everything they could to show me this, and I kept completely ignoring it.  I would be in an emotionally abusive or controlling relationship and just let the other person treat me like crap for months before finally leaving (generally in a way that wasn’t really me sticking up for myself).  I would secretly hate every moment, dread coming home, avoid confrontation by running, but I wouldn’t leave.  I would have people tell me that I was a doormat or that I was easily taken advantage of.  My friends would try to warn me about dating so-and-so because they wouldn’t be good to me.  But I never changed.

Until late 2012, I let everyone run all over me.  And finally, I found myself in another one of those situations, and finally, I stood up for myself and said no.  I finally said that it wasn’t okay for someone to talk to me or treat me in a negative way when I was doing absolutely nothing but being good to them.  I said no.

And then in January 2013, I met Erin in person after talking and being pen pals for five months.  We started dating in February 2013, and it’s been amazing ever since.

The last time I did a reading for myself, it gave me the “don’t go down this path.  Very bad things await.”  I went down the path anyway and ended up at one of the lowest points of my entire life.  My discipline and focus for doing readings has gone way down since then because I’ve been too busy to practice.  I need to get back in the habit… Maybe start offering them for friends for free or something.  I don’t know.   I want to make it a priority in my life.  Maybe I’ll add it to my New Years Resolutions list.

When it comes to divination, it takes practice to get where you want to be and stay there.  To get in the practice, you have to be disciplined and dedicated to improvement.  The first step, as always, is a decision, a choice that you make to change.  And then from there, comes the follow through.

Life is about choice.  Life starts with choice.  Make sure that you’re making the ones you want to get where you want to be.  As for me, I’m going to try to get back into Tarot… But having missed two weeks of work due to weather (yay, South Carolina!), it may have to wait until this summer.

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Posted on February 20, 2014, in Pagan Blog Project, PBP and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. This makes me want to pick up one of my Tarot decks immediately. I haven’t read much in years, and I never had the discipline to learn it “right” but I love the cards, love to meditate on the pictures or sometimes just shuffle the deck.

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